Little Baby Steps

                                                                                   Source: nasa.gov via Robert on Pinterest


I am taking little baby steps to healing and positivity.  It is tough, I know, but I am receiving little signs.  For somebody who does not and totally scoffs at signs, this is one pretty remarkable step.  Just last week, I told you about reading "The Secret". I finished reading it last Sunday, I think, and it gave me good healthy doses on positivity.  Then, Andy just happened to text me last week and met up with us Friday evening.  He has changed a lot, or maybe I dealt with him with a close mind before.  He is brimming with positivity and it is very infectious. His presence probably helped me pick myself up and totally rediscover myself the way I was before I was friends with Halle Berry.


Let me tell you about Halle Berry.  Pero pahapyaw lang, because she deserves chapters and if I were to talk about her, the negativity would rub off the positivity that I am slowly re-claiming.  Being with her kept me off other people who probably thought I am like her.  In fact, I believe I was becoming like her, and becoming like her is something that you will not probably be very proud of, because I certainly am not proud of myself when I become like her.

Just a month ago, I got a feeling of what I was when we were friends and it hit me bad, in full measure.  During that incident when she was again going against the flow, I realized I was like that before.  I joined her when she tries to go against anything! And it didn't sit well pala with other people.  I might have come on as super annoying before.  I cannot imagine myself hanging out with her for years and listening to her endless stories on how her ex-best friends supposedly hurt or betrayed her or how she cusses and makes fun of almost everybody. The negativity rubbed off on me, I swear.  I was like her mini-me for years!  I bet people who hated her must have hated me, too!

She still is that way, although she can't totally act out her meanness because nobody is supporting her meanness the way I did before.  Her presence still annoys me.  I can't believe I prayed for her to be my friend again when she continues to be mean!

I am so sorry I am writing about this, because I wrote an article about trying not to spread online bad vibes, but I can't help it.  I have not included this blog at bc bloggers anymore, so that it would become sort of private, although I still have it on my sidebar, so anybody can see it.  In fact, Halle Berry might see this if somebody would tell her.  Although if this post goes viral, in our office anyway, I will know who brought it up, because, although my Mommy Unwired blog is popular (almost 24,000 hits in  just five months o di ba!  My aim is to have 24000 hits in 1 month, I wish hehe) and my Project:Me Only Better is getting sponsors (although ang baba pa rin ng views ko. I should think of a strategy to increase traffic),  nobody in the office knows I blog.  Kaya, if ever somebody stumbles on this and would try to inform Halle, bahala na, although I would know who.

So, anyway, enough of her because just thinking of her made me gloomy.  Haist!  I am thinking happy thoughts, happy thoughts lang!

Good night and I would probably write bukas about my little baby steps :)


So Cold in Baguio!

Temperature has been hovering between 10 to 13 degrees Celsius for three days now and all I can ever think about is watch feel-good films (which I did, yesterday, with The Switch and Diary of a Wimpy Kid:Rodrick Rules) while on bed with thick blankets swaddling me.  Kaloka.  All.I.Can.Think.Of.  is FOOD!.  I should be running, I know, but the weather is perfect for hot choco and siopao (which I am eating later after my second lunch hihi)! Bummer this cold weather putting a damper on all my good intentions hehe.

I am reading "The Secret", by the way, which is in my Kindle for over a year now, unread, until this month, of course.  Sarap mangwindang ng book na ito.  It makes me believe I can win the lotto, lose weight without dieting, get everything I wish for.  Come to think of it, all of the things (way before I harbored negative vibes which I am slowly ridding of)I thought I can do, happened, just because I thought it would.  Case in point:  I told my cousins I am lucky in the scratch sweepstakes and true, I kept winning.  I believed I am lucky in exams and easily pass and top them even if I don't really study, and I do.  Tama nga yata yung motto ng mga bagets ngayon:"Tiwala".  And, I am starting that, too.  Of course, I have to go a long way to regaining my trust in myself, especially since I am not really really happy with my work situation and I am full of negative energy.  Oh, you wouldn't believe how much negativity there is in there.  I swear, it can power an atom bomb haha.  And oy, don't just think office lang ito, because we are talking here about an agency related to money.  I have read in Girl Talk how disgusted they were with the g.a.s they worked with.  Well, try mine, since it is the premiere g.a. that is zeroed in when it comes to the big C!  Honestly.  Friendship is disregarded (I can make a strong point with this) and ended, just because of plain greed.  I would love to say I want out, but I would like a nice fallback first, because I do need a steady job with pay that would provide for my needs and wants.  Which is why, tada, I am winning the lotto.  Positivity  lang yan pare! Once the universe realizes (and it is starting to, believe me) that I can do better things outside my agency (and it would be better for my heart and soul, too), it would give me a fallback so fulfilling I won't even think twice of leaving.

I would love this to be my mantra.  Sometimes, I think all the good intentions and mantras like this are pang-rich lang, because they have all the means to wear their passion.  Heck, I can't even travel, because my finances are going down (which will go up, of course, positivity hehe).  

I still have to find and wear my passion, because everyday, my passion is slowly being overtaken by jadedness.  Jaded at what I witness in the office. Too much selfishness that I see in the office is totally chipping in my soul. How can you explain a person you consider to be a good friend to go against you?  For no reason?  And take all opportunities that should be equally shared between you guys for herself (and her partner in crime)?  Just because she wants to put one over you. And just because she wants all the money.  And how can you explain her supposed partner-in-crime talking about a promotion and how he can easily get it if "gagapangin" (that's his word) nya.  And how can you explain a very good boss who provides for his staff, but some of his staff will withhold things for themselves?  And how can you explain to your child that there is no juice to drink in an outing because these special people hid it?  Kaloka lang.There are varying degrees of greed, but they are still plain greed.  

Sorry, just need to vent.  I would love to think of happy things, I really do.  

I had a fun day with a seminar we had with Sir Mike's group last November.  I chose to talk about my passion.  I mentioned about my family being my passion, which is true.  Especially my love, Adrian haha.  But my other passion which I recently discovered is blogging.  I remember years back looking for online diary sites where I can write and that is why I have Live Journal.  I never realized you can share your innermost thoughts and people will read and they can become your online friends. Plus, I can't believe you can earn pala.  Once I have my dream 48 hours a day (kailan kaya yun), I will discover all the secrets and make a living out of writing haha.

I included this blog once at the BC Bloggers Comment Exchange, but I want this to be private pala (although it is still available publicly haha). 


Wishing to Be Shredded!

Officially, supposedly, my journey to being SHREDDED slash RIPPED would have begun on New Year's Day.  Yup, you know, the day everybody starts to resolve to be better, undo bad habits, conquer old enemies, make yourself generally better than you were the other year.

So, there I was, slaving myself at the treadmill, a veteran of Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred Level 1 (I seem to be stuck at Level 1.  Been doing it off and on since November), proclaiming (to myself lang naman shhh...) that I would be officially shredded, pounds off, no ifs,no buts, on the second week of March (I know I have saved the date somewhere on my cellphone). But then, as always when I try committing to something (generally committing to working out), some things come up, like, you know, New Year's Eve leftovers, books to read, movies to watch, that I had to put off, day after every single day my "shredded" dream.

So, today, uh, tomorrow, on Sunday, January 6, 2013, I will be re-starting my 4 K treadmill run again and alternate it with Jillian Michael's "30 Day Shred"  with the intense hope that I can live by protein and not by bread alone (WHA!).  Maybe, I will get a sense of accountability to myself if I start to document how badly I am doing (another WHA in Miriam Defensor's voice).

I will be writing about Jillian Michael's "30 Day Shred" later, which is so last, last season by the way, (this was released 2008).  It is my fave workout video among all others she has released though because it is the easiest (although I won't say it is easy, because she did say in this video -"by now, your heart is thumping, you feel like you are going to die..." Come on, she is tough! She is one of The Biggest Loser's trainors!), and I love doing burpees!